joeware - never stop exploring...

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I saw this on an email today and had to share as it cracked me right up…
One very intelligent analyst I know was asked if a customer should be queried about the scope of a given project. His response was
“They will ask us for a 2008 Lincoln Continental. We’re reasonably equipped to deliver a 2001 [...]

A product marketing manager from Quest Software sent me this link…
For those of you from the 80’s music era will recognize… this was inspired by the Beastie Boys and of course the Beastie Boys rock.
The guys are from Quest Sales Team and they are
Nick Dean
Michael St. Pierre
Kristian Vandemark
 
Good job guys.
 
http://www.saveyourad.com
 
For the next Beastie’s [...]

“Mrs. O’Callahan instructed the artist painting her portrait to add to it a gold bracelet on each of her wrists, a strand of pearls around her neck, ruby earrings, and a diamond tiara.
The artist pointed out that would be tantamount to lying.
Said Mrs. O’Callahan, “Look, my husband’s running around with a young blonde. After I [...]

joe says:  I was sure when I first told you
joe says:  But I don’t put past some evil ass hack you found that is completely and utterly unsupported
joe says:  I have strong faith in your ability to find things that you aren’t supposed to be able to do

I was looking for the GTA (Grand Theft Auto for you uncool people) city map in Google that I heard was out there and typed in Grand Theft in the search box and got these hits… Chrysler World Headquarters and the UAW…
 

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gsPiYvAUO3i7krLIdN-nv09fxkvQD90CE08O0
 
Chilean town giving free Viagra to senior citizens
SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) — A working class suburb of Chile’s capital began handing out free Viagra to senior citizens on Wednesday. Lo Prado Mayor Gonzalo Navarrete said he launched the program because “an active sexuality improves the overall quality of life.”
About 1,500 residents of the working-class area [...]

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer [...]

I wanted to share a little humour from the MSFT MVP Summit. Most of the summit is NDA material (i.e. I signed one or more pieces of paper saying I wouldn’t Disclose the information gained in the NDA sessions under legal penalty) but the Executive sessions which in general I find almost a complete waste [...]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WazA77xcf0A

Alternate title - Why marketing annoys me…
 
I know this is a spoof video, but we all know how true this would be if MSFT sold the iPod. And it is no dis on the developers or inventors, it is entirely about MS Legal and MS Marketing.
 

“do the needful”

How do you respond to someone who asks you “Will a WAN link being down affect a file copy going over it?”…
 
I mean you have the correct obvious technical response of “ummm YES!” but at this point, would that really help anything? Really???
Isn’t there a deeper more meaningful “life, the universe, and everything” type question [...]

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary============ ========= ====== 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing! 1:00 pm - [...]

How many years later and this STILL cracks me up the instant I see it…
BTW, my sister looks like Cameron Diaz… See her artwork here (Shank’s that is, not Cameron’s).
 

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS…
 
…but very Risque…. Watch the language…
 
Sarah’s message…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnVJZkDuVBM
 
And Jimmy’s response…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIQrBouWRiE

He is quite the tough guy…. Don’t mess with the pig.
 

I was going through multitasking (reading/responding to email, scanning in family reunion photos, and catching up on the DEC 2008 presentations I didn’t get to see) and while looking at Gil’s DEC 2008 Deck ran into the following slide which resulted in water on both of my 21″ flat panels as well as my keyboard… I [...]

Searching tomorrow’s web today…
http://www.google.com.au/intl/en/gday/index.html

http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=deepride.jpg&category=Clothing&date=2008-02-27

http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=nob-beauty-clinic.jpg&category=Signs/Posters&date=2008-02-18

http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=athletics-container.jpg&category=Containers&date=2008-02-13

http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=happy-bunny.jpg&category=Clothing&date=2008-02-08

If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?  toothpicks?

 If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?  

 
LOL

This guy is good…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZW2aMG0-MM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPNSfoikPDU&feature=related

Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddy’s hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic ‘nature honeymoon’.
He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,
‘Billy Joe, be gentle, I air’ never been with a man [...]

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my [...]

My good friend Dan sent this to me and I just had to share…
 
The Difference Between Guts & Balls
There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? 
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is [...]

This officer should go far….. and the sooner he starts, the better.
  - excerpt from employee performance reports of Royal Navy

This news item just in from Texas…~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps a woman’s breasts from jiggling and bouncing when she walks.
At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist was taken outside where a large group of cowboys beat the shit out of him.