joeware - never stop exploring... :)

 

 

 VH-1 had a special on called the 40 Least Metal Moments, it went off on various things that folks declared as things that did not reflect well on the Heavy Metal or actually more accurately for most of the bands the hard rock[1] music world. A lot of this show focused on “the Ball”, which is the name we all called Headbangers Ball which was, hands down, the best show ever produced by MTV (we will not discuss the new HBB2 which is shite). I don’t know of any other show that could have gotten so many head bangers sitting down in front of a TV at midnight on a saturday night.

As someone who was a full on teenager and then college student during the rein of metal and someone who saw many if not most of the bigger hard rock and metal bands in person in concert [2], some comments if I may…

1. Tawny Kitaen – she is, in fact, a least metal moment herself. The fact that she bounced around the hood of a Jaguar in a White Snake video does not give her any relevance in the Metal world. Why she was so featured in the show, I have no clue. I would much rather have had Dee Snyder, the LA Guns guys, Scott Ian and Zakk Wilde doing all of the talking.

2. Metallica S&M album most certainly IS NOT a least metal moment. That album rocks. Any album that has The Call of Ktulu and Master of Puppets on it has no choice but to be good, I don’t care if they used kazoos and recorders….. Master of Puppets I’m pulling your strings twisting your mind and smashing your dreams, Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing, Just call my name, cause I’ll hear you scream MASTER MASTER

3. Riki Rachtman was not that cool of a host for the Ball, he needs to just get over himself. The only reason he was accepted is because he came on after Adam Curry who absolutely was a least metal moment. That poofter spent more time on his hair than anything else and wouldn’t know a C5 (Power-C) or C5/G if it came up and bitch slapped him and said “Hi, I am a Metal note”. Riki was annoying, but at least he could talk to the real metal folks. They should have had Dee (Dee Snider of Twisted Sister) stay on from Heavy Metal Mania.

4. The incident where Celine Dione was singing AC/DC’s You Shook Me All Night should not be glorified or vilified on any show… ever. It should be erased from the collective consciousness of all human beings as well as all media and if she tries to do anything like that again she should be _terminated_ with maximum predjustice. That was a crime against humanity, not a crime against metal. If I never see those hip thrusts and Angus mocking air guitar moves[3] again it will be too soon. I had somehow purged that from my mind and VH-1 had to bring it back and put it on the screen in front of me and now my eyes hurt… AC/DC is hard rock anyway – not metal.

5. Stryper was NOT heavy metal, neither was Europe nor Nelson, they all had some catchy ditties and long hair but they were NOT metal!

6. Actually many of the bands weren’t metal. They seem to think if a band had long hair, they were metal. No. Many of them were more of a hard rock than metal, some of them were outright posers.

7. A true least metal moment not mentioned… Axl Rose trying to bring back Guns and Roses when he was fat and out of shape and with someone who was pretending to be but wasn’t even close to being Slash.

8. A true least metal moment… Vince Neal going on TV and getting a face lift. Heavy Metal is not PRETTY!

9. Get off of Lemmy’s back… Sure he wrote an advice column in a woman’s magazine. What of it? That was probably the best most honest advice the women ever got.

10. The best moment in the whole show??? When Zakk was talking about how his nephew came up to him and said he really liked the new Puff Daddy Song (Come With Me) and then Zakk heard it and was like “You [BLEEP], that’s Zeppelin.”. Of course meaning that the part that was good was the Kashmire riffs.

Almost makes me want to grow my hair out again. 🙂

  joe

 

[1] Don’t make me define Heavy Metal, I don’t think I can, you know it when you hear it. AC/DC is hard rock, Metallica is Metal. Damn Yankees is rock, Megadeth is metal. Cinderella (ROCKS!) is hard rock with a hint of metal, Manowar is metal. Aerosmith is hard rock, Anthrax is metal. Guns N’ Roses is hard rock, Iron Maiden is metal.

[2] Yes I have some issues with hearing high pitches now thanks to seeing in concert bands like Gun N Roses*, Cinderella*, AC/DC*, Metallica*, Iron Maiden*, LA Guns, W.A.S.P., MotorHead, Judas Priest, Ozzy, Twisted Sister, Quiot Riot, Slayer, Megadeth, Rush, Boston*, Bon Jovi*, Dio, Van Halen*, Damn Yankees, Anthrax, etc and later Linkin Park*, Marilyn Manson, Limp Biscuit, Beastie Boys, BNL*, et al. Though I think Manowar in the small club called Harpo’s in Detroit did most of the damage. I recall the first drum bass beat that was struck to announce they were on stage made my drink jump up about 4 inches straight in the air and my friends and I were sitting at the VERY back of the club; I think one of them started to dive under the table because he thought it was a gunshot, I knew it was too loud for a gun shot and tried to rescue my glass. While they played I watched my coke fizzling in overtime from that point on because the vibrations were blowing the carbonation out of the drink. They had arena rated equipment in Harpos which is a tiny place. My ears were ringing for probably two weeks straight after that… Don’t know Manowar, get a hold of “Hail and Kill”, “Kingdom Come” or “Pleasure Slave” and take a listen – make sure you turn it up to the point of amplifier distortion or you aren’t listening correctly. I also saw GNR at the State Theatre in downtown Detroit back in about 1988/1989 before they really hit big; I recall that being exceptionally loud as well.

[3] Don’t mock Angus!

* – Multiple times