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Billy Joe and Betty-Sue get married and Billy Joe whisks her away to his daddy’s hunting cabin in the woods for a romantic ‘nature honeymoon’.

He carries her across the threshold and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear,

‘Billy Joe, be gentle, I air’ never been with a man b’fore.’

‘WHAT?’

shouts Billy Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head. Billy Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes and races out the door, into his truck…

down the mountain…

straight to his parents house… rushes inside screaming,

‘Hey Daddy! Paw! Git up!”

His father rushes downstairs and gasps,

‘Billy Joe, what’re you doin’ here?’

Billy Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps,

‘Well, Betty-Sue and I was in the cabin and she toll me she ain’t never been with a man afore… so’s I rushed outta there an’ lit back here quick as I could.’

His father grasps Billy Joe’s shoulder in reassurance and says,

‘Son, ya done the right thing. Iffin she ain’t good’nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain’t good’nuff fer ours!’

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

He begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays… “My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving.

I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:

“Joe, meet Me halfway on this, buy a ticket!”

My good friend Dan sent this to me and I just had to share…

The Difference Between Guts & Balls

There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? 

In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next fatty.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both may ultimately result in death.